MOST COUPLES can experience many forms of anxiety when it comes to allowing someone else inside their home, especially when it comes to a sexual encounter. In history, the taboo of black men and white women has often raised concern; many whites and blacks, even in the workplace, are still cautious of each other. In addition, there is also the myth that EVERY black man is a long dicked sex machine who cannot wait to taste a white woman. Sorry to say that this is simply not true. In addition, many whites may not be comfortable with the idea of the sexual involvement of a black male for different reasons.
So, with that in mind, let’s look at what can cause some hesitation and anxiety, and some simple things that can be done to achieve the maximum comfort level should this fantasy become reality. First off, all couples should discuss their fantasies, and whether or not they should actually take place. If it involves another man or another woman, there are a few issues that should be resolved. Collectively, couples should keep in mind that even though this is a fantasy that may only last an evening, or over a period of time, it could have long term effects on your marriage if either the male or female are, or become uncomfortable. If there is a hesitation at any point, it’s best NOT to push the issue. It could blow up in your face later, and cause undue stress in your marriage. Also, I caution couples NOT TO USE THIS AS A MEANS TO REPAIR A TROUBLED MARRIAGE!!! Seek counseling, spend some quality time together, toss the cell phone for a week or two, and do some romantic dinners, but by all means, DO NOT invite someone else into your bedroom as a means of repair.
The fantasy of having a black male can be very exciting for some white couples, especially since many white ladies may have never had sexual encounters with a black male before marriage. This guide has some common sense DO’s and DONT’S that I have compiled from my 5 years as a part time participant and observer of this lifestyle. Here is the basic WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, and WHY.
1) WHO - First off, who wants this fantasy, the male or female? Are both parties in agreement? Couples should be TOTALLY comfortable with this situation. If there is any hesitation in agreement to this, either on the part of the male or the female, THIS, or any other fantasy should NOT be pursued, as it could serve to be brought up in an argument later. Remember, your fantasy may last an evening, but a marriage lasts a lifetime.
Let’s stay on the subject of WHO for a minute – If both parties are in agreement with this fantasy, you have to then figure out what type of male you would want to interact with. Black men are as diverse as any other male, and not all of us are “sex machines”, thugs, or other stereotypes. As a black male, we do consider ourselves special and unique. Many black males are professional hard workers who want what most people want, to live in a good loving environment, take care of our families, and enjoy life in general. The couple should collectively agree on age, height, body type, profession, attitude, and any other factor that they would want this male to have. Remember, being comfortable with any person you bring in to your “home” applies, whether it’s your friends, in-laws, etc.
2) WHAT - Couples should discuss what should or should not take place during the encounter. Having experienced this first hand, there are certain intimate interactions that couples like to keep for themselves. Actions, such as kissing, oral sex, even having the wife sit on the lap may be something that a couple would consider VERY special, and would want to save for themselves. Please discuss and agree upon all interaction that is or is not welcome.
3) WHERE - All couples must agree upon where this act or acts will take place. A very clean hotel that is close is usually the most popular point of contact. Your home is a special place, and you might want to save that special feeling for just you and your mate. Also keep in mind that long drives can make one tired, so be sure to have some “down” time after making a long drive.
4) WHEN - Most folks would agree that an interaction such as this would take place at night; however, lets stretch the “WHEN” just a bit further; ALL PERSONAL BUSINESS should be cast aside “WHEN” this fantasy takes place. The best time to have this happen is “WHEN” ALL parties are comfortable, and NO business of a stressful nature should be taken into the bedroom.
Your VERY FIRST face-to-face meeting should take place on neutral ground, i.e. an eatery, park, or other public place. A restaurant is preferred, as the environment could serve to make all parties more relaxed. Also, I suggest NO ALCOHOLIC drinks, at least for your first meeting. If your first meeting is at a house, it could make the husband or wife nervous, as there might be expectations of some interaction. Your first meeting should be as comfortable as possible, i.e. “you never get a second chance to make a first impression”.
5) WHY - Lastly, most couples should ask each other “What does this fantasy, or any fantasy have to offer us as a couple in the long run”? Is it to enhance your love life; is it to fulfill the fantasy of your mate, or fulfill your own fantasy? What will be the long-term effects of such an encounter? Is the person you choose the kind of person you can trust? Will this person submit to an HIV test? Condoms or no condoms?
Regardless of color, you want to encounter a person who is a respectful, well groomed, and understanding. Once again, BE SURE to be completely ok with this as a couple before pursuing this. Also, unless you are completely comfortable, TAKE YOUR TIME in all aspects of this entire interaction.